Lamentations etched in Memoriam

*A poem I wrote as I was sitting beside the hospital bed of my father, who had been diagnosed with stage 5 Chronic Kidney Disease- both his kidneys have been damaged permanently beyond repair. It was his first night in hospital after diagnosis and a highly painful procedure of dialysis.

07/08/2016

Utterly hopeless and desolate I felt,
on that first night of dialysis;
Couldn’t sleep a wink,
as I saw my father sink,
groan and toss and turn,
In the throes,
of raw festering convulsing pain.

Abbu I do not know,
what will I do,
where will I head,
whom will I trust,
without you by my side;
to guide me and show to me,
Allah and His Prophet’s,
Siraatul Mustaquim.

I am not ready,
to take the boulder of the duniya,
its chains and temporal joys,
its perks and pains,
onto my shoulder.

I am not ready,
to take responsibility,
of a girl,
of a family,
of big expectations,
dreams and desires,
of a big challenging world,
with its heroes and villains,
intense friendship and bitter rivalry;
Of uncertainty.
I am just not ready.

As I see you today,
in the operation theater;
and on the bed,
frail and gray haired,
sad and defeated,
I feel that,
Maybe I never will…. 😦

Ya Allah,
in these trying times,
in the face of a future,
bleak, dark and desolate;
I seek refuge in you,
And you Alone.

“Verily, with hardship comes ease”

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