Yakuzo becomes the king of this world

Once upon a time, there was a farmer called Yakuzo in Japan. He wanted to be the king of the world. So he first gathered all the farmers in his village and told them that he wanted to be the king of this world. He promised them that if he could become the king of this world, they would all have thicker brains, and bloated stomachs. They were all happy when they heard the promises of Yakuza. One small man got so happy at the announcement that he performed hara kiri in happiness.

Yakuzo assembled all the farmers of his village and they began their steadfast journey to take over the world. They all sat down under the large chestnut tree in front of the house of the head shaman Wazowsky. The man Wazowsky got angry when he saw the farmers sitting under his chestnut tree. He ran towards them and threw a shoe at Yakuzo for bringing the men to sit under his tree. Everybody looked with keen interest at the shoe hurtling towards Yakuzo; it reminded them of a bullet train on its tracks hurtling through the paddy fields on a dark moonlit night, graceful, shiny and utterly fascinating in its journey towards the future king.

But the game was up for the shaman Wazowsky. The shoe, when it saw that it was heading towards Yakuzo, did a U-turn with its arms smack around the chestnut tree, and decelerated, and then accelerated towards Wazowsky’s head, smashing it into pieces reminiscent of the bursting of a toffee filled with deep chocolate coloured fluid.

Yakuzo had watched the drama with his mouth-open, and began to scream in joy, saying that he had become the king of this world. The other farmers, seeing Yakuzo, began to dance in delight, and celebrate. Just then, a terrible voice came out of the heavens, the screeching of which sounded like an the scratching of nails on rusted iron. Yakuzo and his men almost bent over in agony at the power of the terrible voice. One of the men, who had suddenly looked at the skies, shrieked in terror as he pointed at the direction of the sky. Yakuzo looked up, and fear flashed through his body in powerful waves. For up there, blotting the sky, was the king of the world.

However, he held his ground, and stood up straight, tall and proud. The king of the world looked at Yakuzo, and stared solemnly. Then both cracked up and started laughing so hard; you’d think the world was rumbling under your feet. The king of the world took out his will and forwarded it to Yakuzo, who took out his pen to sign at the bottom with a big ‘X’.

There was only one clause. It said, “Yakuzo is the king of this world”.

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